In an era when swiping right feels like second nature, relationship specialists urge daters to embrace intentionality in their digital interactions. By clearly communicating deal-breakers early, scheduling face-time video dates, and setting firm boundaries around phone use, emerging advice emphasizes that technology—when used deliberately—can enhance rather than hinder emotional intimacy.
This shift is timely. Surveys show that dating apps and social media often lead to superficial engagement, anxiety, and burnout. But relationship experts encourage a more mindful, purposeful approach: defining values, articulating expectations, and choosing quality over quantity—what’s now called “intentional dating.”
Alicia Graves, a fitness coach and relationship blogger, puts it simply: “Purposeful digital habits enhance emotional intimacy, not detract from it.” Her words resonate with recent findings from interaction experts who say that balance, clarity, and authenticity go a long way. Dr. Gabriela Reyes, a marriage therapist associated with Match Group, advises similarly: “Don’t be scared to make your intentions clear. If it scares someone away, they are unlikely to be good for you in the first place.”
What does this look like in practice? First, it means treating online dating as a tool, not a pastime. Instead of casually swiping through dozens of profiles, people are encouraged to allocate intentional time to connect with a smaller number of curated matches. Research from dating platforms like Hinge shows that focusing on a couple of conversations rather than juggling many leads to deeper, more meaningful engagement. Behavioral scientist Logan Ury advises that “slowing down gives each interaction more space to breathe,” and it increases the chances of building a real connection.
Another key practice is establishing face-to-face connections early through video or voice chat. These formats bring back the non-verbal cues—tone of voice, facial expressions—that are absent in text messaging. Apps that offer built-in video chat features have found success in bridging the gap between impersonal texting and meaningful real-life interaction. According to data from platforms like Soulmatcher, users who utilize voice and video options report higher satisfaction and longer communication streaks.
Additionally, many experts recommend keeping phones away during in-person dates. Ury’s “Distraction‑Free Dating Guide” suggests that removing phones from the table—even when turned face-down—signals full presence and commitment. Gen Z daters, in particular, have reported that even brief phone usage can derail a conversation and erode connection. These seemingly small gestures contribute to a culture of attentiveness that digital dating often lacks.
Being intentional also means communicating boundaries and deal-breakers upfront. Rather than fearing rejection, daters are encouraged to see honesty as a filtering tool. By setting expectations early—whether about relationship goals, communication styles, or lifestyle preferences—both parties can make more informed decisions. This approach, while direct, is proving to be more efficient and less emotionally draining in the long run.
Beyond the initial stages, digital rituals can also play a powerful role in maintaining emotional closeness. Couples who regularly schedule video dates, share playlists, or co-watch shows build routine and emotional continuity, even at a distance. Platforms dedicated to long-distance relationships report that these shared virtual experiences often create bonds as strong as those formed in person. Over time, these habits contribute to what experts describe as emotional muscle memory—anchoring relationships in consistency and mutual effort.
All of these practices point to a central message: digital dating is not the problem—aimless digital dating is. Without intentionality, online interactions become fleeting and transactional. With clear goals, purposeful engagement, and respectful boundaries, however, technology becomes a conduit for genuine connection.
Alicia Graves’s central insight brings the conversation into focus. Being intentional with technology isn’t about avoiding it; it’s about using it with clarity and purpose. Every message, video call, or decision to put the phone away during dinner can strengthen the emotional fabric of a relationship. It’s about dialing in—on what matters, on who matters.
By applying intentionality to digital dating, today’s singles can shift from endless swiping to meaningful relating. Technology may be the medium, but presence, communication, and shared purpose are the message. With thoughtful engagement, digital platforms can become powerful tools for building lasting, emotionally rich partnerships.
