The wellness industry often portrays self-care as a solitary pursuit: spa days, bubble baths, $40 candles. Moments like these are precious, but what if connection and caring for others could equally feed self-care? In this season of self-care, caring for others is a powerful way to fill your cup. Let’s not forget one thing.
The myth of “solo” self-care
My friend Jennifer recently admitted that she’s “not up to it” with traditional self-care. Rather than running off alone, she connects with others, whether it’s by sending a thoughtful text, surprising her with individually wrapped vegan ice cream for her birthday, or going all out with a one-on-one conversation. I find resilience in this. For her, self-care is all about community.
Ice cream with plenty of volume! Look at the curls on this ribbon!
Source: Author (Hands Off!)
Buy lunch for a friend who just broke up with you, deliver soup to a new parent, check in on a co-worker who’s having a tough week, or care for a sick partner or child. , everyone has experienced this. If we pay attention, we realize that these small acts not only help others, but also nourish us. It’s similar to bees pollinating flowers. Bees feed pollen to flowers and receive sweet nectar in return. It feels good when you show up for others.
And let’s not deprive others of the same joy. One of the drivers of the self-care industry is the belief that we need to “fix” ourselves so that we don’t burden others with our imperfections. In fact, asking for help is an act of generosity and gives others the opportunity to ask for help.
True self-care for the end of the year
As I was writing this post at a coffee shop, doing some self-care alone, a friendly man with two large backpacks asked if he could share a table with me and encouraged me to keep writing. He encouraged me. After returning to my laptop for a few minutes, I decided to ask him about his trip. That led to a great moment of connection. Was it out of concern for him or for me? Most importantly, why can’t you do both?
Source: Nathan Dumlao/Unsplash
During the holidays, it’s tempting to be alone and indulge in some self-care. After the chaos of work, shopping, hosting, etc., quiet time can feel sorely needed. I value alone time, but when I think of self-care as just being alone, I miss something important. This season, instead of running away, you can pull in some self-care and connect. Jennifer’s approach reminds us that self-care and community care are more connected than we realize.
4 ways to turn community care into self-care
Small gestures: Avoid the pressure of the perfect gift. Instead, try small thoughtful actions. Buy a coffee for the person behind you in line, bake some extra cookies to share with a friend, or write a note to someone you’re grateful for. It’s nice to receive gratitude in return, but remember that the value lies in the giving. Check in: Instead of retreating inward, reach out. A simple text or voice message can nourish each other. Along the way, you may ask for advice or help. Meaningful Conversations: Amidst the chaos of the season, make time for meaningful conversations. Schedule a phone date with a friend far away or spend some quality time with family nearby. Try asking yourself the question, “What is something I was surprised to learn about myself this year?” Bringing people together: If you’re feeling isolated, chances are other people around you are too. Invite your friends to join you for yoga, binge drinking, takeout, and more. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. You may find that helping others connect makes your self-care even more rewarding. Not sure where to start? Check out this great guide from the U.S. Surgeon General for easy ways to invite and host.
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I lead a weekly mindfulness group, and on days when I don’t feel like leading, I find the most joy in creating this space for others. This is a reminder that community care can be just as nourishing, if not more so, than staying home and lighting a candle.
Don’t worry. I’m not here to take away your alone time. We all need quiet moments. But this season, remember that self-care isn’t just about time. Embracing community care gives us access to something more permanent. The spa visits and candles may fade, but the connections we make are the gift that keeps on giving.
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