holiday. These are described as this magical time of the year: warm gatherings, twinkling lights, and picture-perfect moments. That may be true, but it’s not necessarily reality. Especially for people whose brains are wired a little differently. For neurodivergent people, whether they have ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or other unique ways of experiencing the world, the holidays can be a minefield of sensory overload, social anxiety, and unmet expectations. It can feel like Hara.
Feeling overwhelmed this holiday season? Stay calm with these ADHD strategies.
When a familiar person feels foreign
A few weeks? How many months? It’s been a year (or more!) since we last saw some of these faces. You’re now back deep in the holiday social pool. I’m tired!
Crowds, noise, and the relentless pressure to connect can leave you exhausted before it’s time to eat. And don’t forget about the forced small talk. Break the ice with every…one…person. In some cases, attending these gatherings may not even be an option. It’s just that we’re expected to be present and “active” for hours on end.
connection paradox
It’s not that I don’t want to connect. We crave moments of laughter, sharing stories, and feeling of belonging.
But there is a contradiction here. Our brains are wired differently. Noise, crowds, and endless stimuli grab our attention, constantly sniffing out potential threats, and never knowing if we’ll say the wrong thing or accidentally step on a social landmine. We are like superconscious antennas that pick up all kinds of subtle information. A cue, a change in emotion, a ripple of energy in the room. It’s a great skill, but it can wear out during the holidays.
And it’s not just external stimuli that can be overwhelming. When the “fight or flight” response kicks in, we may find ourselves gravitating toward unhealthy coping mechanisms: that extra glass of wine, that third slice of pie, or that endless scroll of social media. No. It’s like our brains are desperately trying to find an escape from an overwhelming situation.
Trust me, I know this firsthand. In trying to just connect and belong, I’ve found myself stuck in an exhausting cycle of drinking, insomnia, and low mood. And all of this happened because I didn’t make a conscious effort to utilize tools and strategies that would help me navigate such situations more effectively.
Strategies for a calmer and brighter holiday
Let Them Be: Detach from the drama
Have you ever felt the need to solve everyone’s problems or take control of a situation? Yes, me too. It’s primitive survival wiring trying to take the reins.
But Mel Robbins’ book Let Them Theory changes the game. It’s about recognizing that everyone is on their own journey, with their own struggles and perspectives. Instead of getting involved in their drama or trying to change them, we can just “let them be.”
A common situation: your uncle starts ranting about politics at the dinner table (oh, the holidays!). When you get into a heated argument or feel like you have to change his mind (that’s your primal wiring that prompts fight or flight), you can take a deep breath and quietly say to yourself, “Please let me know your opinion.” This mental detachment frees you from emotional burdens and allows you to stay grounded in your space.
I choose peace: Rewrite the script.
Instead of just repeating “I choose to remain calm” like a robot, actively practice it. Take a deep breath, sharpen your senses, and imagine a peaceful scene. This shifts your focus from the chaos around you to the calm within you.
Level up your calmness: “I decide to escape to the bathroom for a few minutes of glorious solitude, where I can splash some cold water on my face and recharge my social battery.” Or, “I decided to step out into the backyard for a moment to look at the stars and feel the vastness of the universe and my small but important place within it.” Keeping the energy flowing: Even in social settings, focus You can cultivate calmness by changing. Instead of trying to force yourself to participate in every conversation (which can be overwhelming), create distractions. Observe the artwork on the walls, the decorations, and the patterns on people’s clothing. Pay attention to the subtle nuances of body language and facial expressions. This allows you to stay present without feeling pressured to actively participate in every interaction.
this moment will pass
When you feel anxious (a typical primal reaction), remind yourself that the feeling is temporary. But don’t stop there. Use your senses to ground yourself in the present moment. What do you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel? This anchors you in the here and now and prevents your mind from going into “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios.
Mindfulness in action: “This wave of anxiety will pass. I can now feel the soft fabric of my sweater, hear the crackling of the fire, and smell the cinnamon candle.”
Microboundary: Architect of your space
It doesn’t have to be “on” 24/7. It’s okay to take a break, step away from the conversation, and recharge your batteries. Feeling overwhelmed? Excuse me, I need a breath of fresh air. Taking a short walk outside or retreating to a quiet room can do wonders for resetting your nervous system. Remember that being calm for yourself means calming the environment for others.
Find your tribe: One of the most powerful ways to navigate social situations is to connect with people who understand and support you. Scan the room and identify the person with whom you feel most comfortable and safe. Draw to them and spend more time in their presence. Their calming energy acts as a buffer against overwhelming situations. Look for friends and family who “get it” – people who value your unique perspective and create a safe space for you to be yourself. Gratitude Anchor: Unleash Gratitude: Shift your focus from what’s stressing you to what you’re grateful for. Savor the small moments, like a warm hug, a delicious meal, or a heartfelt conversation. These are the anchors that keep us grounded in the midst of chaos. Pre-game for success: Set the stage: If you tend to be an introvert, being mentally prepared before entering a social situation can make a big difference. We equate this with the indigenous tradition of carefully and intentionally preparing a space before entering by applying sage, offering blessings, and visualizing positive energy flowing into the area. Please. You can do the same with your inner landscape. Before attending a holiday gathering, take a moment to visualize the scene. Picture yourself feeling calm, confident, and at ease. Imagine yourself connecting with others in a way that feels authentic and enjoyable. Remember your strengths and the unique talents you bring to the room. This mental preparation will help you approach the gathering with a grounded sense of purpose.
Let’s embrace beauty
This season, remember to be kind to yourself, honor your own needs, and celebrate your beautiful neurodiversity. May this holiday bring you peace, connection, and the joy of just being, allowing you to recharge your energy and welcome the new year refreshed and full.
Next step
What are your favorite strategies for vacationing with neurodiversity? Share your tips and experiences with others. Create a holiday season where everyone feels seen, heard, and celebrated.
