Marisa Hochberg, an only child who lost her mom seven years ago and her father just over a year ago shares her thoughts on coping with grief and mental health during Mental Health Awareness Month.
Grief Isn’t Just A Feeling—It’s A Mental Health Reckoning
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a time to spotlight not just clinical diagnoses and treatments, but the raw, personal battles that often go unnoticed. Among the hardest of those is grief—the kind that guts you, shatters your identity, and leaves you questioning how to keep living in a world that feels permanently off-kilter.
Grief is not a phase. It’s not something you “get over.” It’s a wound you learn to live with. And resilience? It’s not about bouncing back. It’s about finding a way forward, even if you’re crawling.
The Myth Of Moving On
We live in a culture obsessed with closure. Say goodbye, find the silver lining, and get back to business. But real grief doesn’t follow that script. It lingers. It surprises you. It reshapes your nervous system. One day you’re functional; the next, a memory knocks the air out of your chest.
Resilience isn’t about being unfazed. It’s about being fazed—and continuing anyway. It’s waking up with grief sitting on your chest and still brushing your teeth. Still showing up. Still fighting to care.
When Loss Hits Twice
Losing one parent is life-altering. Losing both—within six years of each other—can unmoor you entirely. It’s not just grief; it’s a kind of identity crisis. You lose the people who knew you before the world got complicated. You lose your anchor.
But you also learn things most people spend their lives avoiding. You learn that time is both brutal and beautiful. You learn to stop postponing your own life. And you find out just how much strength you’ve been carrying in your silence. That kind of pain forces clarity. You start seeing what actually matters—and you stop wasting time on what doesn’t.
Grief Is A Mental Health Issue
Losing someone, something, or some version of your life you thought was permanent—these aren’t just emotional hits. They carry mental health consequences. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and substance use often ride shotgun with unresolved grief.
For too long, we’ve separated grief from mental health, as if it’s a different beast. It’s not. It’s one of the most common, yet most silenced mental health struggles people face.
Acknowledging grief is acknowledging pain. That’s step one. Step two is creating space to talk about it without judgment. Real resilience isn’t stoic—it’s vulnerable. It speaks up. It asks for help.
What Resilience Really Looks Like
Resilience isn’t inspirational quotes or Instagram mantras. It’s messy. It’s crying in your car before walking into work. It’s going to therapy even when you’d rather disappear. It’s telling someone, “I’m not okay,” and letting that be enough.
Resilience means building a life around the loss, not in spite of it. It’s re-learning joy without guilt. It’s finding new meaning, not replacing the old. And sometimes, it’s just making it to the next hour.
How To Support Someone In Grief
- Stop trying to fix it. Grief doesn’t need a solution—it needs space.
- Say their name. People don’t want their loved ones forgotten. Mention them.
- Be consistent. Support doesn’t stop after the funeral. Check in months or years later.
- Listen more than you speak. Hold space. Don’t rush the story.
- Don’t offer clichés. “Everything happens for a reason” helps no one. Try, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
The Power Of Kindness
Kindness costs nothing but means everything—especially to someone in pain. A gentle word, a text out of the blue, a genuine “How are you really doing?” can interrupt someone’s spiral. You never know what someone is carrying, and kindness can be the first reminder that they’re not alone. In grief, it’s often the small gestures that hold the most weight. Be kind, and be generous with your presence. It may not fix the pain, but it helps carry it.
Mental Health Awareness Month—and Every Month
If you’re grieving right now, know this: your pain is valid, and your survival is already proof of your resilience. There is no timetable. No perfect way to mourn. But there is strength in showing up, and there is hope in continuing.
Let this month be more than a hashtag. Let it be a reminder that mental health includes grief, that resilience includes struggle, and that healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning how to live with the loss and still find light.
For more information about Marisa Hochberg, visit www.marisahochberg.com or follow her on Instagram at @marisahochberg.
