Imagine being the Danish existentialist Søren Kierkegaard. The command to “love your neighbor as yourself” was not confusing to him. It was a very personal and moral obligation and challenge. For Kierkegaard, love and freedom are inseparable. “Freedom is the element of love,” he wrote to his fiancée, Regine Olsen. Love presupposes freedom, freedom from hatred, ignorance, and anything else that prevents us from authentically connecting with others and ourselves. His insights remain relevant and enlightening in the modern world.
This concept has a profound impact on psychology, especially today. As a psychologist or someone who looks at human behavior, think about how often modern ideas about love, self-care, and relationships are caught up in societal expectations, status games, or distorted self-images. Let’s. Kierkegaard’s insights can lead us to a more authentic understanding of love and freedom.
Freedom and self-love in modern times
Kierkegaard believed that freedom requires courage and imagination. It is the courage to resist the social norms that control and constrain us, and the imagination to envision a different, more personal approach to life. He criticized the institutional church of 19th century Denmark, arguing that true faith and love could not be institutionalized. They are deeply personal acts.
Today, this criticism extends beyond religion. Social media and societal pressures often create ideals of how we should look, act, and be successful. These external expectations can distort the way we see ourselves. When self-love becomes narcissistic and is rooted in how others perceive us rather than a true connection with ourselves, we lose the freedom to truly love. In therapy, I have observed how difficult it is for clients to free their desires from social conditioning. Are they striving to be thinner, wealthier, or more attractive, or is it because society expects them to do so?
Kierkegaard’s point is surprisingly pertinent here. If we can’t let go of our self-image and become too concerned about how we appear to others, it becomes almost impossible to surrender ourselves to something bigger like love. Masu.
love as equality
Kierkegaard argued that love requires honesty. And honesty requires vulnerability. Anyone who has ever been in love knows its power to make you stand up, do stupid things, and leave you exposed. However, if you are not free and obsessed with fear of losing face, status, or prestige, you will have a hard time giving yourself fully to others.
In The Works of Love, Kierkegaard describes love as both a duty and a transformative force. He speaks of love as ontological, healing and building the broken, and enlightening. Psychologically, this resonates with what many therapists see in their work: love’s ability to foster resilience, repair wounds, and create meaningful connections. This transformative power of love can give clients hope and resilience.
One of Kierkegaard’s boldest critiques was his attack on the human tendency to generalize and exclude. He cautioned against limiting “love your neighbor” to just “my people,” “my gender,” and “my faith.” For him, loving your neighbor meant recognizing the equality of all people.
This idea has clear psychological and social relevance. Many prejudices, whether racism, sexism, or xenophobia, stem from a fear of the unfamiliar and the loss of one’s presumed authority. Kierkegaard’s insistence on “loving your neighbor as yourself” means loving others equally, even if they are not equal, and challenges us to confront these prejudices.
I feel this is especially important when helping clients navigate relationships. Kierkegaard’s perspective encourages balance. While it’s natural to love some people more intensely (partners, children, close friends), we can strive to treat everyone with basic respect and equality. This understanding and empathy will greatly improve your relationship with your clients.
Fuente: Finn Janning
From ego to empathy
Philosopher Iris Murdoch, who was influenced by Kierkegaard, talked about the need for “egolessness” to escape from the control of the ego. Many stressors in modern life, from anxiety to feelings of inadequacy, can be traced to ego-based concerns of “Am I good enough?” Am I achieving enough? Am I liked enough? These questions often lock us into a limited and defensive way of life.
Necessities for relationships
Kierkegaard’s wisdom provides a solution. Love, he argued, frees us from self-absorption. It shifts our focus from self-promotion to connection, from status-seeking to generosity.
Kierkegaard’s reflections remind us that love is more than just a feeling or a romantic ideal. It’s a practice, a discipline, a duty. For psychologists, his ideas challenge us to think about how to help clients cultivate freedom: freedom from society’s expectations and self-doubt, and the freedom to love without fear.
Kierkegaard’s call to “love your neighbor as yourself” feels radical in a world increasingly dominated by individualism and competition. However, it is also deeply healing. We all long to be loved, but Kierkegaard knew a deeper truth. That is, in order to truly love others, we must first be free.
