The 2024 US election is over, but regardless of the candidate you supported, many people are still carrying the weight of months of political stress. Almost 70% of American adults report feeling this strain (American Psychological Association, 2024). Tensions remain high, divisions persist, and perhaps most painfully, those divisions are affecting their relationships with friends and family members they care deeply about.
I myself have felt this tension. I’m wondering how to navigate conversations with people I love who think very differently than me. Some of us knew about these differences before the election, but others are only now coming to grips with awareness.
Approximately one-third of adults report that the political climate has strained their relationships and deepened their feelings of disconnection, limiting or stopping time spent with loved ones (American Psychological Association, 2024). ). Now, as we enter the holiday season and expect to spend time with friends and family members who have different opinions, we are faced with two difficult questions. “How do you survive the holiday season when you have disagreements?” and “Why do you maintain a relationship like this?” in the first place? ”
Why maintain this relationship?
Let’s start with what many may find to be the more difficult question. It’s natural to ask, “Why do we continue to maintain these relationships?” Especially when someone else’s political choices feel personal or even painful. While ending or “cancelling” these connections may seem like the best solution at the moment, research and experience shows that it often has significant emotional and physical consequences. It is known to bring.
Here are four science-backed reasons to consider maintaining these important relationships.
1. Anger makes you tired of thinking in black and white.
For many, the stress of political division is compounded by black-and-white thinking, which often stems from anger. This all-or-nothing mentality may feel justified in the moment, but ultimately it’s unsustainable.
Prolonged anger drains your emotional energy and puts your body in a state of high stress. This power relationship also contributes to social polarization, where stereotypes and “dehumanizing” views of others dominate us (Halperin et al., 2014). Someone told me this recently: “After the last election, I stopped talking to my brother. I was so angry and mentally exhausted that I regretted it later.”
Bottom line: Sitting around with anger is detrimental to your mental and physical health.
2. Ambivalence leaves you emotionally stuck.
When relationships are strained, ambivalence (the experience of having conflicting emotions at the same time) can have a significant impact on mental health. It is possible to feel both love and dissatisfaction with someone, but this unresolved tension can lead to rumination, anxiety, and difficulty moving forward emotionally (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007) .
Ambivalence also disrupts sleep, drains energy, increases cortisol levels, and weakens the immune system over time. I myself have experienced being caught between wanting to reconnect with someone and not knowing how to deal with feeling betrayed. Limbo is exhausted.
Lesson: Avoiding ambivalence may feel easier in the short term, but it only prolongs emotional stress. Dealing with your emotions directly can help you feel better and regain your emotional energy.
3. Navigating difficult connections builds resilience.
Engaging with different perspectives, especially those we love, builds social and emotional resilience and increases overall well-being (Ala, Ramos-Campos, & Relva, 2024). Resilience helps you adapt to challenges, regulate your emotions, and deal with conflict with flexibility and patience. I have personally experienced close relationships that have endured political divisions. It took intentional conversations, but over time, this strengthened our bond and improved our ability to overcome future challenges together.
Lesson: When possible, staying connected can help you develop the mental strength to overcome differences without severing ties with those you love.
4. Alienation fuels loneliness.
Cutting ties with loved ones often worsens feelings of loneliness and is strongly associated with depression, anxiety, and premature death (Holt-Lunstad, 2021). Beyond the immediate loss, estrangement has ripples into other areas of life, affecting relationships with non-estranged family members, co-workers, potential partners and friends (Aglias, 2017). I have seen how one estrangement pave the way for others, and how it can feel easy or habitual to cut ties, as if each time the habit of severance is being reinforced. I’ve seen it.
Family dynamics essentials
Lesson: Relationships, even imperfect ones, can be a source of joy and connection. Staying involved reduces the emotional and physical risks of isolation while preserving opportunities to spend quality time together.
How can you survive the holiday season with a different mix in mind?
We’ve established that canceling with loved ones doesn’t have to be the only option, and it may not be the healthiest option, unless there’s toxicity or abuse. Practicing kindness toward oneself provides a path forward in divisive times (Horn, 2024).
This means making intentional choices that protect your mental health while leaving the door open to maintaining important relationships. This approach focuses on distancing from extremes, embracing balanced perspectives, and creating space for calm, thoughtful reflection and deeper understanding. Navigating this post-election tension requires a careful balance between self-protection and spending time together, especially during the holidays.
Consider these tips for managing political divisions during holiday interactions while prioritizing your own health (American Psychological Association, 2024; American Psychological Association, 2022; Warner, Colaner, & Park, 2021):
1. Choose to avoid political discussions.
Realize that you are under no obligation. Remind yourself that you don’t need to engage in political conversations at holiday gatherings. Let’s keep the peace by moving discussions toward common interests and holiday traditions. Set boundaries in advance. Politely request in advance that your family agree to keep politics off the table. Example: “This year, let’s keep political discussions and jokes out of holiday gatherings.” Redirect the conversation. If someone brings up a controversial topic, change the direction of the discussion to something neutral or fun, such as reminiscing about a past vacation, sharing a funny story, or talking about your plans for the new year. Please. It also doesn’t hurt to remind them of the agreed-upon rules.
2. Choose to interact respectfully.
Approach with curiosity, not judgment. If a political topic comes up and you feel comfortable participating, prioritize understanding over discussion. Ask open-ended questions like, “Why do you feel so strongly about that?” Listening intently can relieve tension and keep your energy up. Create a calm environment. If you want to discuss your disagreement in a gathering, choose a private and relaxed setting, such as an after-dinner walk or one-on-one time. Avoid addressing sensitive topics in groups where emotions may escalate. Set boundaries for the time period. Set a clear topic of focus and a time limit for discussion. If you feel the conversation is getting too heavy, end it respectfully. For example: “I’m glad to hear your opinion, but I can sense you’re getting excited. Let’s switch off and enjoy the evening.”
3. Choose to retreat if necessary.
Please take a break. If you’re feeling emotional or overwhelmed by the conversation, excuse yourself for a few minutes. Go outside, take some deep breaths, and find a quiet place to center yourself. Recognize when to let go. In some cases, the healthiest choice is to walk away from the difficult interaction entirely. Focus on engaging in simple or distracting activities, such as connecting with other family members or playing games with your children or helping them prepare for the holidays. Know that it’s okay to leave early. If you feel the environment is too tiring, respect your limits and politely excuse yourself. To keep the peace, you don’t need to justify your choices in detail.
lastly
Staying connected to loved ones and transcending political divides during the holidays, or at any time, does not mean compromising your values or condoning abusive or harmful behavior. Those are non-negotiables. The suggestions here assume that there is respect, love, a shared history, and a mutual desire to stay connected.
Additionally, when you take this approach, you don’t have to agree with someone’s choices or deny your own beliefs. Rather, you will be able to respect your own needs, set healthy boundaries, and process complex emotions.
It’s definitely difficult to stay connected to loved ones amid deepening political rifts. I know that firsthand. Although there were moments when the effort felt overwhelming, I came to believe that it was a path forward worth pursuing. For me, it’s about maintaining important relationships while setting boundaries and having difficult conversations. Dehumanizing others whose views deeply conflict with my own has never served me well. And research backs it up. Instead, I find that respectful and intentional dialogue paves the way to healing.
By keeping connections open, you not only protect meaningful relationships but also build emotional and physical resilience. Bottom line: Choosing to connect when possible opens the door to understanding, repairs divisions, and takes the first step toward healing. In my opinion, this is an opportunity worth embracing.
