Getting “sick” ruins it. You might be thoroughly enjoying your lustful encounter, new relationship, or affair with that barista, but you witness something that just makes you feel sick.
“Feeling sick” is an everyday term that describes a sudden feeling of disgust that causes disgust. Maybe you’ve heard them farting loudly or gleefully mocking people who should have a lot of sympathy and concern for them. Supposedly, they swallowed the sandwich at the speed of a rocket, leaving a small pool of sauce at the corner of their mouth that seemed to fester and boil in spit for about half an hour.
You try to get it out of your head. you will fail. I feel a little sick.
I also know deep down that it is difficult, almost impossible, to get rid of those images and memories.
What emotion research tells us about ‘The Ick’
The psychology of disgust provides valuable insight into when, why, to whom, and how strongly we feel disgust. Disgust, despite being a very common and intuitive experience, has until recently been surprisingly neglected in the research world.
Like other basic emotions such as fear and anger, disgust can be triggered by certain situations. Moreover, we differ markedly in our sensitivity to disgust and the nature of the factors that trigger it.
Certain experiences and thoughts come naturally to almost everyone, such as coming across a carcass of an animal crawling with maggots, thinking about sex with a family member, or hearing someone sneeze wetly right behind you. It’s disgusting. However, people with high aversion sensitivity may experience moderate aversions, such as seeing their partner’s chapped lips while kissing, walking by dog poop, or watching someone eat oysters. You’re more likely to feel sick even with something.
Disgust refers to things that can be harmful or have bad consequences for us: foods that can make us sick, pollutants that can damage our lungs, decisions that are morally reprehensible. It is an emotion that evolved to avoid interaction with the influence of others. Disgust constitutes a kind of primitive mental stop sign. It’s not a concession or a merge, it’s really a “stop!”
But what happens when disgust starts interfering with our love and sex lives? Should we stop? Do you want to go back? Bolt or hang in there? Is this a signal from our inner hearts that something is wrong?
Studies have linked a variety of sexual disorders to increased aversive sensitivity, including dyspareunia (pain in the vulva, vagina, or pelvis during intercourse), decreased interest or arousal, and sexual aversion. My PhD student Gabriella Petruzzello, an expert on sex and disgust, explains:
“This means that people who have issues with sexual pain, desire issues, or a general aversion to sex are likely to have higher levels of aversion to sexual and non-sexual aspects of life. In most individuals or couples who do not have a clinically diagnosed sexual problem, the main dilemma is that one partner has a different threshold of disgust than the other. That’s it. If one partner wants anal sex, but the other absolutely hates the possibility of contact with poop, this can probably lead to a firm refusal. Enough of anal sex. Or, if one partner doesn’t want their partner’s vulva touched at all, this can lead to frustration and shame for the other partner.
Overcoming “illness”
Is there a way to overcome, or at least reduce, aversion in our intimate lives?Here are two strategies in the sexual and romantic realms.
Sexual arousal often helps overcome aversion. When people are excited or excited, they don’t feel aversion to anything.
For example, laboratory studies have found that stimulating people’s arousal with sexually explicit photos or videos makes them more likely to touch unknown liquids or try new sexual acts soon after. has been. In other words, excitement and aversion work in opposite ways. The more disgusted you are, the less excited you are. But the more excited you are, the less disgust you feel.
Disgust can be reduced in much the same way that a person’s fear can be reduced. That is, gradual exposure to greater levels of stimulation. In other words, if you start small and increase your exposure to things that make you averse, your reactions will become less dramatic. This might look like watching porn that includes anal play with your partner, for example, if you’re really uncomfortable with anal sex.
(It is important to emphasize that consent is essential in any of these strategies; no one should force anyone to overcome their dislike.)
But what if that feeling of “feeling bad” is associated with someone you’re starting to develop some kind of intimate relationship with? It works the same way. You can probably surpass that with increased arousal and exposure.
This is also why when our relationships are going well, we manage to put up with the things that make us feel bad about continuing in the early days of a relationship. This is also why when a relationship deteriorates, aversions begin to amplify, such as the sound of your partner swallowing.
Bolting it down is easy, but going beyond that may feel impossible. If you’re disappointed that you’ve received hate, stop for a moment and think about it. Decide if the initial connection you feel is genuine and valuable. If you were all in at the beginning, it might be worth it to get through this bad feeling. Remember: we all have a dark side. You have just witnessed one of them.
But if what made you feel bad is truly a deal breaker, like if you witnessed something truly morally reprehensible or foul, then yes, it’s time to stop immediately. you got a signal. Please believe me.
