My Secure Era, founded by behavior designer Alexandra Vélez, is transforming the way people heal from heartbreak. Through structured programs like Secure School and diagnostic tools like the Love Pattern Report, the brand blends science, storytelling, and satire to help people build healthy, lasting love.
Why Heartbreak Keeps Repeating Itself
Swipe culture has become the silent pulse of modern dating. Tinder alone averages more than a billion swipes per day. Even if just a fraction of those happen in the U.S., that is hundreds of millions of tiny choices and rejections daily.
These apps are designed to reward the wrong things, making the act of swiping more exciting than actually messaging or meeting in real life. Swiping for the next photo is fun. Messaging, not as much. Meeting? Even less.
Let’s look at what dating apps actually reward: validation over compatibility, the superficial over the substantial, attraction over alignment, and curation over authenticity. People wind up feeling anxious, confused, self-critical, or insecure in just a few days of swiping.
With all this dating app frustration, it is no wonder many single women are left with three persistent beliefs: there are no good men left, they keep attracting emotionally unavailable men, and all men want is casual relationships. And you really cannot blame them, when the evidence for it feels massive.
When so many people feel stuck, they often blame themselves, thinking it must be their fault they cannot find a rom-com kind of love. What they fail to realize is that the apps are rigged against them. By design, they set into motion the very elements of an unhealthy relationship.
Unhealthy relationships are built on snap judgments, shallow connections, little honesty, and a lack of trust. By contrast, healthy relationships grow from deep trust, safety to express emotions, feeling nourished by time together, and the ability to repair conflict with care and curiosity.
Countless women twist themselves into pretzels, shape shifting and people pleasing to fit someone else’s ideal, only to realize the mold was never made for healthy love in the first place.
This cycle does not end once a match turns into a relationship. Many women who do land relationships quickly realize something feels off. He gives mixed messages. He has a wandering eye. He is not all in. He doesn’t want anything serious.
Others stay longer, only to discover their relationship is more hurtful than healing. Eventually, they break up, and in hindsight they can see the red flags they once dismissed. The cycle repeats, leaving many single women stuck in unhealthy relationships for years.
The sad truth is, many men are not relationship ready or emotionally available. And 80 percent of protecting your heart comes down to avoiding emotionally unavailable partners from the start. But that requires skills most people were never taught, the ability to recognize patterns, trust their instincts, and stop making these mixups:
- Confusing intimacy for love
- Confusing compliments for compatibility
- Confusing interest with investment
- Confusing dating with destiny
- Confusing potential for a partner
These reasons explain why so many heartbreak cycles keep repeating themselves.
And in the aftermath of a breakup, the cycle can get even harsher. Many women debate whether things were really as bad as they remembered, whether it would be easier to get back together just to stop the heartbreak, or they negotiate against themselves for scraps of attention. In isolation, they reinjure their insecurities, assume the worst fears, reinforce doubts, and internalize the wrong beliefs.
They are left to sort out their feelings solo, not knowing how to heal their broken heart.
Designing a Path to Healing
Old problems need new solutions. And in the world of modern dating, that solution is emerging from a product designer who turned her skills toward the most important human experience: love.
Most emotional insecurities do not leave scars you can see. They show up quietly, in patterns of anxious love, in difficulty trusting, in the sense that relationships feel harder than they should. These insecurities cannot be willed away, and isolation tends to make them worse. Research shows they require structure, support, and safe connection to truly heal.
As Alexandra Vélez puts it, “On the outside, a flower is judged by its color or bloom, but its strength comes from what is unseen, the soil, the nutrients, the care. Most people never had the chance to build on a secure foundation.”
That is the lens Alexandra Vélez brings to emotional healing. Trained in behavior design, she focuses on shaping human behavior through evidence-based structure for lasting change. By turning complex psychology into clear systems, Vélez helps people follow a path that feels practical, interactive, and even infused with humor. Certified in Integrated Attachment Theory, she blends scientific rigor with accessibility, making emotional health both approachable and hands on.
A 3 Step System for Lasting Change
To move beyond heartbreak and into healthy love, Vélez built a three part system under the My Secure Era brand. Each step meets people exactly where they are, and together they create a complete path from awareness to transformation.
- Realize – Love Pattern Report
A 63 question diagnostic that maps out hidden dynamics, core wounds, and repeating relationship patterns. It delivers clarity, validation, and new language for struggles that once felt invisible. - Reflect – Core Wound Masterclass
A playful, story-driven experience that helps people catch insecurities in the moment, name them, and respond with compassion instead of shame. It builds awareness and self-leadership through practice. - Rebuild – Secure School
A yearlong program that makes secure attachment something you do not just learn about but actually live. Over 12 months, participants practice boundaries, conflict repair, and new patterns of attraction until healthy love feels natural.
Community and Connection
As a fellow Swiftie, Vélez knows all too well that to master your mind, you need a mastermind.
At the heart of My Secure Era is a belief that healing happens in community, not isolation. Students do not just consume lessons, they engage with peers who share the journey. That accountability and support turn abstract theory into lived experience.
This community driven structure reflects the brand’s values: Purposeful, Proven, Progressive, Playful, People Centered, and Passionate. Every element, from the diagnostic to the storytelling metaphors, reflects Vélez’s background in behavior design and her commitment to making healing both approachable and lasting.
Laughing Through the Lessons
One of the most distinctive aspects of My Secure Era is its tone. Instead of heavy, jargon filled lectures, Secure School uses humor and storytelling, a deliberate design choice where delight is the cherry on top of an experience.
The Availability Awards
Move over Oscars, there’s a new award show in town, and it’s honoring the worst men you’ve ever seen on a dating app. Characters like Mr. Situationship and Mr. Mixed Signals star in Vélez’s book The Availability Awards, a satirical “award show” that exposes the hidden wounds behind modern dating dysfunctions. The book blends wit with psychological insight, making painful patterns easier to recognize and laugh about.
Its companion experience, The 12 Stop Anti Hero Tour, offers a cultural map of DIY healing missteps, with stops like Situationship Springs and DIY Desert. Both act as a mirror and a guide, showing people why quick fixes fail and pointing them toward secure love.
“Healing with both heart and humor makes this stage of the journey exactly what people need. It is easier to face hard truths when it’s equal parts wisdom and wit.”
Begin Your Secure Era
For anyone caught in the heartbreak loop wondering why love always feels just out of reach, My Secure Era offers both clarity and hope. With its blend of science, storytelling, and support, the brand is proving that secure attachment is not just theory. It can be learned, practiced, and lived.
The journey begins with the Love Pattern Report, continues with the Core Wound Masterclass, and culminates in Secure School, a one year path toward healing, growth, and steady love.
Healing may not be instant, but with the right structure, it is inevitable. And with My Secure Era, it just might be the most enlightening and entertaining journey you will ever take.
Start your journey at My Secure Era. Explore the Love Pattern Report, discover Secure School through the Masterclass, or grab a copy of The Availability Awards.
