I’ve been in and out of therapy for more than half my life, and I often joke that I’ve made some therapists rich beyond their wildest dreams. I have primarily sought treatment during times of crisis, such as when my mother passed away, when my marriage fell apart, and most recently when my son Rob took his own life.
I’ve always loved the process of talk therapy, and I’ve always loved the “Larry Show” starring Larry, which features tonight’s special guest, Larry, for about 50 minutes each week.
I still like the talkative parts of “The Larry Show,” but I didn’t feel like I was ever going to get over the loss of Rob. Before finding Catalina, I interviewed various therapists, and the first thing I said to them, in a tone that was somewhat defiant and bordering on asshole, was: “There’s nothing you can do to make me feel better right now. So what on earth am I doing here and how on earth are you going to help me?”
I liked Katarina’s answer the most. “I came here to hear your story and get to know you,” she said matter-of-factly, in an accent I couldn’t understand until she told me she was from Croatia. . It was at the end of our first session that she introduced me to the idea of EMDR.
EMDR is believed to run much faster than traditional gabfest
EMDR is an acronym for “sip” that stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This is a non-traditional treatment used primarily for people who have experienced terrible, terrible events (what Larry calls “trauma”) and is said to work much more quickly than traditional gabfests. Masu.
With EMDR, you are essentially reliving the trauma bit by bit while distracting yourself by making certain eye movements or doing something called “bilateral stimulation.” There are several theories as to why it is effective. It’s like rewiring your emotions, but you’re not going to turn into a creepy Scientologist.
Despite the assumed skepticism of every New York Jew, I was open to anything that somehow alleviated my pain and grief, so I was willing to try it. Enough talk. Now it’s time for action.
I remember sitting under a jasmine tree in the backyard of Catalina’s office. After our usual pleasantries, she handed me two small green paddles, one in each hand. A gentle vibration sensation started bouncing from one hand to the other (this was a bilateral stimulation, at first it sounded like an old George Carlin joke) and after a few minutes I didn’t notice it. did. This is where traumatic memory reprocessing comes into play. This is thought to be a more natural way for the brain to process those memories… either that, or some nonsense that doesn’t actually do anything.
I accepted anything that would ease my pain and sadness.
Katarina then asked me to close my eyes and imagine myself in a safe, quiet, and beautiful place.
“Where are you?” she asked me after a moment.
“I’m on a beach in Malibu just before sunset,” I said, quickly realizing what a cliché that was.
“Okay, fine. Now I want you to imagine someone comforting you, like your mother,” she instructed. “It could be a fictional character from a book, movie, or TV show. Or someone you know, someone who cares for you.”
I had to think about it a bit. “Okay, okay,” I said.
“Who?”
“Meryl Streep! I thought she could play anyone.”
“Good. Okay. Now, now think of someone who will protect you. Someone who is strong and can fight for you. A defender or a superhero. Again, it could be a fictional character or a real person. It doesn’t matter who you are.”
“Hmm…let me think about it for a second. Oh! Yeah! Got it!”
“Who?”
“Harry Potter! He’s perfect for competing with He Who Must Not Be Named.”
“Ha! Good! Next, think of someone who is very wise, someone who has a lot of wisdom who can give you wise advice.”
“That’s easy,” I said. “My best friend, John Birmingham!”
“Okay. Now imagine them sitting next to you on the beach. First Meryl, then Harry, then John,” Katarina continued. “I want them to sit together and enjoy the sunset together. Really, do whatever you want them to do. Just breathe naturally and enjoy their company for a while. I’ll just leave it there and say nothing.”
And I did much the same thing for the next 20 minutes or so until I opened my eyes feeling like my time might be up.
“How are you feeling?” Katarina asked. “How was that for you?”
“Hmm…that was interesting. Everyone was on the beach and Harry Potter was so hot he had to take off his robes. Meryl and John are famously close, so I knew it would happen. “I was,” I answered playfully. “But I’m actually more of a verbal thinker than a visual thinker, so I try to imagine them saying different things and repeat what they’re saying like a mantra. did.”
“What were they telling you?”
“Yes, Meryl said, ‘I love you, boy!'” Harry said, “Nothing can hurt you!” And John was saying, “Just be yourself!” And that’s what I heard over and over in my head the whole time I closed my eyes. And the funny thing is, the sun never set. It remained that soft yellow-red light, and that’s kind of how I felt. ”
“Wow! I’m impressed! You’re a natural at this,” Katarina said.
We went on like this for months, and every time I did EMDR, I thought someone would pop out from the other room with a hidden camera and tell me I had a flat tire. . But it must have had some good effect, because after about a year Catalina finally kicked me out of the nest. She said enough. The job is done and it’s time to live your life. No therapist has ever said that to me, and I will always love her.
