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A “temperamental explanation” suggests that your depressed mood and maladaptive behavior are due to internal factors such as personality traits and personal characteristics.
“Situational explanations” attribute dark moods and dysfunctional behaviors to external factors such as the environment, social context, and specific circumstances surrounding the situation.
Dispositional explanations of depressive emotions focus on “who the person is,” whereas situational explanations focus on “what the situation is like.”
Learning how to switch from dispositional to situational explanations for negative emotions can facilitate change and help you control your emotions.
Everyone experiences ups and downs. Some days I feel competent and content with happy moments, and other days I feel down and depressed.
How you describe your mood can make a huge difference in how easy it is to bounce back from those low and dark moments.
Additionally, as a child, you may have learned from your mother how to describe your feelings, or how she described her dark moods, but learning new skills can help you avoid depression. You can change your habitual explanations about your emotions.
Learning to go back in time to identify your “down” moments can be the door to freedom from depression.
Every week, at least one client shows up looking more miserable than usual. I often ask, “What happened?”
Last week, a 46-year-old team leader at a small technology company, often excited about her team’s latest projects, looked red-eyed and gloomy from lack of sleep.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing happened. I got depressed again.”
I ask again. “Now, when did you feel down?”
Here’s her answer: “You know, I’m always depressed, what’s new?”
She is giving a “dispositional explanation” for her mood. That means she believes her depression is due to her personality, her “temperament,” or her wiring.
I take issue with her explanation. “You’re not always like that. Last week, you were proud of yourself and your team’s work, and things were going well at home. You seemed to be in good spirits, too.”
She had heard me challenge this kind of explanation of my moods before. She said quietly, sighing. Please don’t get angry with me. ”
got it. It takes time to change the way you usually explain things that happen to you, especially things that involve depressing feelings.
This client is not depressed all the time. She feels depressed when a senior manager complains that the team seems to be moving too slowly. Or when someone she respects suggests that she made a stupid mistake in interviewing and hiring a new team assistant who turns out to be chronically sloppy. Or when her 17-year-old son decides to have a “deep talk” with her. He had decided to tell her “the truth” about all the mistakes he thought she had made as a mother, all the way back to middle school.
In other words, she gets depressed when something upsetting happens, especially when she feels depressed. Her low mood is “situational” – her reaction to a particular situation. There’s nothing mysterious about it.
Her gloomy mood almost always has a circumstantial explanation, but when she’s feeling down, she forgets about it. She’s not always depressed. She is also not prone to depression. But when a situation really bothers her or humiliates her, she forgets that she was so happy the day before or the week before. She forgets that she felt depressed when something specific happened.
Why is this important?
When we feel depressed and believe that it is our destiny, we also tend to believe that it is permanent. Therefore, it is unlikely to look for a solution.
You may feel that there is no hope for change and that you will always feel the same gloomy feeling.
However, once you learn to explain your low mood in terms of the situation, you will begin to find ways to change the situation. There is no need to sit depressed for a long time. Find the moment when your heart sank and you’ll find the explanation.
Depression essentials
Being able to contextualize your emotions gives rise to the idea of change.
Moving from dispositional to situational explanations
Learning how to change the way you think about how you feel isn’t that difficult.
Step 1: Learn how to identify low moods right away. Notice when you feel depressed or grumpy. Please notice that. Quickly.
Recognize it when you think, “This is me.” or “I have a depressive personality.”
Step 2: As soon as you notice that you’re feeling down and begin to describe your depressed mood in the usual way, say, “This is just how I am. I’ll always be on the brink of depression.” — stop yourself.
The way to do this is with a mini-meditation. As soon as you feel your heart drop, pay attention and stop what you’re doing for a moment. Start paying attention to your breathing. Notice how your breath moves in and out. As you exhale, begin counting each breath (to yourself). Do this for a very short time, say 2-3 minutes.
Step 3: Next, remember the details of when you felt depressed. At first, you might go back to claiming that this is who you are. But try again. Seriously, when did you become so depressed?
If you do it one hour at a time, one day at a time, you’ll learn it in no time. Perhaps you happened to meet an old friend yesterday and felt joy at the moment you met her. And you looked at her face and noticed that she didn’t look very happy to see you.
That was the moment. You walked away feeling embarrassed and disappointed.
Perhaps you’re wondering, “Did I do something to her that I can’t remember?” After walking away from emotional dysregulation, you are ready to blame yourself.
The scene was humiliating. It may seem easier to forget than to dwell on a painful memory.
So as it fades from your memory, you’re left with a terrible feeling and thoughts like, “This is how I feel, I’m depressed, this is how it’s always going to end up.”
But then I remember, “Think of an explanation.” I didn’t feel sick the day before. Recall the situation. It is better to remember the humiliating situation than to turn the explanation inward and blame the depressed mood on your character or temperament.
Step 4: Learn how to stop yourself while whispering explanations of this nature. Question your usual explanations and ask yourself, “When did my mood change?” It doesn’t take long to learn to stop, quiet your cluttered thoughts with a simple meditation, and ask yourself questions about your situation.
Learning to identify the explanation for the situation when you feel depressed will change the way you respond to that dark mood. Rather than adding insult to injury by crawling away, you can learn how to protect yourself from the impact of a painful and humiliating situation. You will actively take action to counter your mood and create new situations.
