This post was co-authored by Nicole Froidevaux and Jessica L. Borelli.
Emotions are running high in the days following the presidential election. And while some people are happy, others are deeply depressed, disappointed, and scared. This blue-red divide is not only widening across the country, but may also be wreaking havoc within people’s homes. If you and your partner have very different feelings about the election, it can cause a rift between the two of you. Not sure how to get in touch with your partner during this time? You’re not alone. Here are some ideas that may help.
Ask your partner what you can do to support them
Everyone deals with stress differently. Sometimes people need space alone to cry, wander, watch trash TV, or just think. Others may want to feel connected to someone who listens to them, lends an ear, and lets them vent.
How do you know what they need at that moment? Just ask. Then listen to their reaction, even if it doesn’t match your natural instinct to comfort them. If they say they need space, give it to them. If they want to vent, give them space. Research shows that people seek different types of social support and feel most supported when they receive the type of support that fits their needs. This post breaks down support into actionable ideas.
Let’s support our partners in other ways
You can help your partner by taking a small load off their shoulders while they deal with election-related stress. Psychologists call this “invisible support.” This looks like supporting your partner when they didn’t ask for it and without knowing they were receiving support. Actions like doing the dishes when it’s not your turn, running a bath for your partner “just because” or filling up the gas tank without your partner knowing can make a big difference. Possibly. These seemingly small acts often have a greater impact on your partner’s well-being and are more responsive to your partner’s emotions than tangible, direct support.
Avoid telling your partner what they should feel
One common theme circulating on social media is the idea that people should maintain friendships despite political differences. Although the Constitution protects freedom of speech, it does not require individuals to remain friends with everyone, no matter what they say or believe. Your partner has the right to set boundaries for their own emotional well-being. For example, you can unfollow people who post harmful or irrelevant content, avoid political conversations with certain family members, or choose to distance yourself from social circles that no longer align with your values. Masu. Your role as a partner is to support their decisions and respect their autonomy. You can ask them about their thoughts and feelings about these decisions, but ultimately the choice is theirs. Research shows that friends with similar political views tend to have higher quality relationships, while relationships with different ideals, especially those that support conspiracy theories, are less satisfying. With this in mind, your partner is likely doing what’s best for their health, and it’s important that they feel your support.
Take the lead and suggest alternatives
Stress can lead to rumination, where you repeatedly think about what you’re worried about, increasing feelings of anger and pain. In today’s world, this can take the form of “doom scrolling” on social media. That means you end up spending an inordinate amount of time scrolling through negative or alarming content about the election. Instead of telling your partner to “quit social media,” try something different, like suggesting an alternative activity. Offer to take a walk together, go to the gym, or participate in another shared activity. By offering distractions or alternative coping strategies, you can help your partner cope with the distress without seeming judgmental.
Finally, regardless of how politics affects your future, remember that you are all in this together and politics is just one part of your life. Team up, talk about your needs, and find joy in other things in life. The benefits that come from nurturing a close relationship will likely help ease the pain of this moment.
