Gaslighting (manipulation that causes victims to question what they know to be true) can be subtle and difficult to recognize, but its effects are long-lasting. Recent research shows that gaslighting can have the same harmful consequences as other types of psychological abuse, despite some theories that it is a “mild” form of abuse. Especially in cases of chronic gaslighting, victims can experience significant interpersonal trauma and low self-esteem.
Because gaslighting occurs in relationships, and healthy relationships are so important to our well-being, this is a particularly cruel and insidious way to make others suffer. Gaslighters work hard to make their victims question the truth of what they see, hear, and experience, but this tactic is often used to make the victim wonder, on some level, what is going on. Knowing what’s going on makes it even harder to face. If the manipulator can convince others that the victim’s reality is false, the situation becomes exponentially worse.
Help us stop gaslighters from winning easy.
Gaslighting is very difficult to defend against, but there are ways to respond that make it less likely that the abuser will continue. The key is to make the gaslighting attempt as unpleasant as possible. Usually they choose to “kill it easy.” I don’t want to pick a fight with someone who sticks to their own opinions. These abusers want to take advantage of individuals who have less power, fewer resources, and less ability to stand up for themselves. These strategies are some of the ways to ensure victory in the game.
To avoid falling prey to gaslighters, learn some simple ways to stop them before it’s too late.
1. Refuse to engage. The golden rule when dealing with a gaslighter is to refuse to engage. It may seem contradictory and may be seen as “cold” or “unemotional” by others, but to protect yourself, withdraw from combat as soon as possible and often.
Of course, there may be times when an individual is unable to leave their abuser, but when that is possible, gaslighting loses much of its power. That means not responding (no matter how egregious or hurtful the accusation is), blocking contact by phone or social media, and refusing to contact your loved ones as well. It means to inform someone of something.
Gaslighters always take the easiest path. If they notice that you are suddenly unresponsive and cannot be contacted through someone nearby, they will often give up on the chase. That doesn’t mean it’s an easy solution. On the contrary, if the abuser is trying to elicit a reaction from you, it can be very difficult. They will insult, blame, degrade and harass you in every possible way until they realize that every attempt is met with a stone wall of silence. The journey here will be painful at first, and you will have to learn how not to take what you hear. But if we can persevere, peace will come someday.
2. Speak only from a script. Gaslighters love to argue. It’s how they push your buttons and amplify your emotions, which in turn leads to your confusion. That makes you an easy target. If a gaslighter makes you emotionally agitated and excited, they will make you die right in front of them.
To prevent this from happening, it’s important to learn how to respond to gaslighters. Because it is not always possible to walk away from a relationship or situation. Instead of listening and falling into the other person’s argument, try responding just from the script.
A script is a short, clear, to-the-point phrase or sentence that conveys your feelings and makes it clear that you’re not playing games. It can be something as simple as “That’s not how I experienced the situation” or “I’m not going to talk to you about it.” Think about the arguments you most want to avoid with gaslighters, write down some statements that shut down arguments and leave no room at all, and practice, practice, practice.
When using a script, you need to realize that you will be repeating it many times. It may sound strange at first, and gaslighters will do their best to restate their case and re-engage you, but you must remain steadfast. Don’t deviate from the script. Use it as many times as necessary, verbally or in writing, until the abuser understands that he can’t get anything more out of you on that topic.
Gaslighting essentials
3. Keep your emotions out. To protect yourself from gaslighting situations, you need to avoid being emotional, at least on the surface. This type of abuser wants you to shut up, but at the same time, they desperately want to elicit a reaction from you. Don’t give them that pleasure.
While some people believe that you can “train” a chronically manipulative person to recognize their emotions and respond more appropriately, the safest route for you to take is to learn how to manage your emotions in the first place. Don’t go inside. Protect your emotions and refuse to let them be torn out and exposed for someone to use as a weapon against you.
To keep your emotions hidden, you need to practice an inner dialogue that constantly reminds you that your reality is true. Trust yourself. Tell yourself that you know how you feel and try not to personalize the attacks that come your way. And these attacks feel very personal. Gaslighters operate on intimate, harmful abuse. But you need to distance yourself from them. Eventually, the abuser decides he or she is no longer getting a response from you and moves on to the next victim.
the effort will be worth it in the end
Gaslighting may not seem like a big deal, but over time, especially if you’re dealing with an abuser who has the skills to make himself look attractive, gaslighting can become one of the worst things you experience. It can be one of the most painful types of abuse. They are real victims to others). Most people eventually figure it out, but it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort.
Your best line of defense is to stay away from these types of relationships. That’s not always possible. If not, practice these simple defenses to save your sanity and teach your abuser that not everyone is ripe for acceptance.
