What do you do when you feel difficult emotions? Do you push it away or dive in? Do you express it in words, or do you end up screaming, sobbing, or shutting down?
Every adult, and especially every parent, could use a robust toolbox of healthy ways to deal with intense emotions. If we can’t do that, we’re likely to desperately try to push our emotions away and explode when that doesn’t work, which we always end up doing. The three best tools I know are to become fully aware of the emotion, to soothe the emotion with a sense of stillness, and to release the emotion.
This post is a guided meditation on these emotional strategies. You can read it silently by yourself, record it and listen to it yourself, or have a friend read it to you. With practice, you will be able to use these tools even when you are experiencing intense and difficult emotions.
meditation on intense emotions
Get comfortable, calm down, and take a few deep breaths. Imagine yourself feeling a strong emotion. Or maybe you’re already in deep feelings.
Maybe it’s anger, resentment, fear, sadness, or worry.
Pick one emotion and move a little closer to it. You will likely live with this feeling for some time. You can choose to look at it from a distance or feel yourself in it.
Being in this emotional state, or even thinking about it, can be bothersome. You may want to eliminate that feeling. Let’s try some approaches that are quite different from denying emotions.
consciousness
Instead of pushing away or running away from those feelings, consider the possibility of fully acknowledging them. What if I’m interested?
What does it feel like? Does it have colors, shapes, sounds, images?
Instead of fighting, ignoring, or turning away from those feelings, imagine sitting with them.
Don’t focus on the circumstances outside of yourself that caused your feelings. Instead, notice your feelings from within. Emotions are not “things that happen.” It’s not about that.
Emotions are what’s happening inside you.
Emotions have physical sensations. Notice how this emotion feels in your body.
Maybe your mouth is dry or your muscles are tense. Maybe your eyes are filled with tears. Maybe your hands are clenched into fists or your heart is racing.
Please come and experience that feeling. The sensations can be so strong that they cannot be ignored. Or you may find it difficult to recognize your physical condition. Focus on your body.
If the recognition and exploration of emotions is very intense, you can say to yourself:
“It’s okay; I’m safe.” “I can feel it without pulling away or becoming overwhelmed.” “I can graciously accept this feeling.” “This Even when my emotions are strong, I can choose what to do.”
These are phrases you can say to yourself whenever you want to sit with your emotions, bring them into full awareness, and accept them instead of fighting them.
stillness
The next method is to gently soothe your emotions. Return to the first emotion or choose another emotion. Please bring it closer again.
Take slow deep breaths. Imagine dropping a stone into a pond and watching the ripples and waves slowly subside. Calm your emotions in the same way. Emotions may quiet down quickly, or it may take some time. Please give it the time it needs. If you need to, try giving yourself a hug. Or, try patting your baby on the shoulder as if you were soothing a fussy baby.
Calming and soothing can be a powerful response to strong emotions. Soothing emotions is not the same as banishing them. Comforting means acknowledging the feeling, facing it, and calming down.
release
The third way is to release your emotions. Use a strong but non-dangerous method to completely eliminate them from your body.
Imagine your emotion is fear. Imagine yourself shaking to release fear. You might actually start shaking.
Imagine your emotion is sadness. Imagine yourself crying to release your sadness. You may see real tears in your eyes.
Source: Liz Charles/Pixabay
Imagine roaring like a lioness to release your anger. Stomp your feet!
We’ve all been given so many messages that emotions are dangerous, unfeminine, unmanly, and a waste of time. But emotions need to flow naturally, be physically expressed, and let go. You can release all your emotions in a safe and healthy way.
come back here now
Take a few deep breaths and rest quietly within your body. Feel your feet touching the floor.
Thank yourself for opening yourself to this experience of noticing, gently soothing, and releasing your emotions.
It’s too hot to handle
Of course, sometimes our emotions get too heated. You may need to lower the temperature before using these methods. Here are some ways to calm down by bringing your emotions to a safe zone, noticing them, relaxing them, and releasing them instead of suppressing them.
Sprinkle cold water on your face. Do some vigorous exercise. Let’s go outside in nature.
Whenever you feel a strong emotion, you can practice raising your awareness, relaxing, and releasing it in the moment. Emotions are a part of everyday life, so there are many opportunities to practice them.
